The chapter opens with a familiar complaint: a wife who does and decides everything while her husband works, comes home and watches TV, yet she says, "I don't know what he'd do without me." Rocío, married four years, is exhausted, wants a divorce, and has avoided having children because she knows the work would fall on her.
The hidden fear. Responsibility is shared: Rocío took control of more and more until her husband gave up deciding anything and couldn't function without her. Behind her need to control and be needed lies an intense fear of abandonment. Her father left when she was four. Her mother, raising her alone, cried and repeatedly said all men are the same: they marry, have children and leave. Rocío suffered, then adapted until she felt she didn't need her father. As a teen she was attracted to boys but closed off, unconsciously afraid of being abandoned like her mother and of reliving the pain of losing her father.
When she met her husband, she sensed he was emotionally dependent and thought, at some level, that this man would never leave her. Dependent men don't leave; they get used to being taken care of, and the woman stays in control. Behind a controlling woman there is often a great fear of abandonment or betrayal. In the long run this satisfies neither partner. Having absorbed her mother's resentment of men alongside her own love for her father, Rocío concluded the only way to keep a man was to make herself indispensable. Now so sure she won't be left, she is the one choosing to leave.
How to help children
If your husband leaves, try to understand how things got there without blaming yourself, and work through your feelings rather than holding on to anger, which harms you and your children. Above all, don't generalize about all men. That message hurts boys' self-image and self-esteem and shapes girls' future relationships with men, because a father is the first model of a man for both. Don't speak badly of their father or load your own resentment onto them; those feelings are yours, not theirs. Be honest about what happened. If it's hard to manage, seek professional help, because intense emotions can lead us to say and do things that deeply affect our children.