Chapter summaries
Padres de Hoy, chapter by chapter
Summaries in our own words of each chapter of Padres de Hoy by Iris Yankelevich, LCSW. They are not translations of the original text.
About the book
Chapter 1
How to Get Children to Respect Limits
Why limits are harder to set than they used to be, the trap of needing your child to be happy about a rule, and four guidelines for making rules that hold.
Chapter 2
How to Change Inappropriate Behaviors in Children
Choosing which behaviours to work on first, why attention is the reward that shapes them, and how to use Time Out so it teaches rather than punishes.
Chapter 3
The Meaning of Children's Play
Why play is not wasted time: what children work out through it, how to join in without taking it over, and what their games show you about them.
Chapter 4
How to Keep Children from Lying
Why children lie — fear of punishment, shame, labels, and the example parents set — and how to ask in a way that makes the truth easier to tell.
Chapter 5
Which Side of the Brain Dominates in Your Child?
The rational child and the emotional child: how each one needs to be approached, and why neither temperament is the better one to have.
Chapter 6
When Children Won't Eat
Appetite and the bond behind it: respecting a baby's rhythm, handling a child who refuses what is served, and keeping mealtimes off the battlefield.
Chapter 7
When Children Want Everything NOW
Why small children cannot wait, how they experience time, and five ways to teach patience without a battle.
Chapter 8
How Our Judgments Affect Children
The difference between naming a feeling and labelling a child, why labels stick, and how to be a mirror instead of a judge.
Chapter 9
How Television Affects Children
What screens take from a child's play, speech and imagination, what the research says about violence, and what to do about it at home.
Chapter 10
How to Help Children with Learning Difficulties
Accepting the diagnosis, finding the cause early, and the signs that a child is struggling — from directional confusion to sudden hostility.
Chapter 11
How to Prepare Children for a Healthy Sexuality
Why attitudes matter more than mechanics, when the questions start, how to answer them naturally, and how honest talk protects a child.
Chapter 12
What to Do with a Left-Handed Child
Where the bias against the left hand comes from, why forcing a switch does harm, and what to do when a child's handedness is still settling.
Chapter 13
How to Help Children Feel Self-Confident
Empathy rather than pity: reading a child's body language, entering their view of things, and why that is what builds confidence.
Chapter 14
Consequences of a Lack of Affection in Childhood
Three adults, one pattern: what emotional deprivation in childhood does to love later on, and the listening that prevents it.
Chapter 15
How to Help Children Overcome Envy
Envy that admires and envy that corrodes, why comparing siblings feeds the second, and how to help a child value what they already have.
Chapter 16
How Being Away from Their Parents Affects Children
What a separation means to a child with no sense of time, why a calm child is not necessarily a fine one, and the weight of a child left behind abroad.
Chapter 17
What to Do About Anger
Rage that catches good parents by surprise, the harm verbal violence does, the three kinds of anger, and when it is time to get help.
Chapter 18
The Challenges of Early Adolescence
The closed door, the clothes, the pulling away from everything the parents are — what is normal about it, and why the most rigid parents lose the most control.
Chapter 19
Consequences of a Painful Experience
What post-traumatic stress looks like, the symptoms the author lists, how emotional numbing works, and how it shows up differently in children.
Chapter 20
How a Child Defends Himself
What a child does when their effort goes unseen: the defences they build, the perfect front some keep up, and the quiet submission underneath.
Chapter 21
Curiosity and the Child
The endless questions, how a tired parent shuts them down without meaning to, and what it costs a child's appetite for learning.
Chapter 22
How to Prepare Children for Reading
The foundations laid years before first grade — listening, describing, observing, associating — and eleven things to do at home.
Chapter 23
How to Combat Jealousy
What jealousy is telling you, why every child wants exclusive love, the signs they will never say out loud, and how to defuse it.
Chapter 24
Sibling Fights
Why hunting for the culprit makes it worse, when to stay out of it, when to step in, and why sibling conflict is rehearsal for adult life.
Chapter 25
Teasing: Our Children Must Learn to Defend Themselves
Where ordinary teasing ends and damage begins, which children attract it, and how to help without becoming their lawyer.
Chapter 26
How to Recognize Anxiety
Where useful nerves end and an anxiety disorder begins, what a panic attack and a phobia actually look like, and why to treat them early in children.
Chapter 27
How Children Are Affected When Their Father Leaves
The marriage behind the departure, the fear that kept it going, and what helps the children once it ends.
Chapter 28
The Emotional Effects of an Abortion
The emotional aftermath the author describes, from guilt and depression to the effect on later children. A contested topic, presented as one view.
Chapter 29
How Problems Between Parents Affect the Child
Why the child brought in for treatment is often not where the problem is, how children copy the relationship they watch, and why responsibility is shared.
Chapter 30
How to Keep Your Children Away from Drugs and Alcohol
Why prevention starts in infancy and not at twelve: the predisposing factors, the warning signs across five areas, and what to do — and not do — if you suspect use.