A baby left with a stranger can't protest but still feels the separation deeply: a different place, bed, sounds, voice and way of being held. With no sense of time, the baby experiences a temporary absence as total disappearance, and may show distress through crying or illness. The author regards many childhood illnesses as physical responses to anxiety.
Examples. Ana María's five-month-old, healthy at daycare drop-off, often develops an unexplained fever by late morning that disappears by evening. The author reads it as a reaction to separation. Other babies show delayed distress at home: crying, poor sleep, lost appetite. Separation gets harder around 6–8 months, when babies clearly notice the mother's absence and become wary of strangers. Toddlers may cry and chase after the parent, resist being held or fed by others, or regress (wetting again, wanting a bottle).
Calm doesn't mean fine. A child who seems to accept separation calmly may simply not be expressing it, which the author considers more worrying. Mariano started with a babysitter at three months and went through three sitters, "adapting well" each time. At six he is extremely shy, doesn't talk or play with classmates, and stays near his mother. Having attached to caregivers who kept disappearing, he now trusts only her. It's better for children to cry in the moment than to hold feelings in.
Children left behind in another country
Many immigrant parents leave some or all of their children with grandparents or relatives in their home country and bring them over one by one once settled. The children may be safer and more stable there, but emotionally they almost always suffer. Even if they understand why their parents left, they feel abandoned and less important than other things. The author compares it to grief: understanding why a loss happened doesn't take away the pain.
When reunited, these children are often rebellious and resentful, sometimes without being able to say why. An unspoken "I'll make you pay for leaving me" can show up as defiance, disinterest in school or attention-seeking. They tend to have lower self-esteem, insecurity and difficulty adjusting, and nothing the parents do ever seems enough.
How to help
Explain honestly why you had to leave, as a statement of what happened rather than an excuse. Show affection physically (hugs, kisses) to fill a long gap. Recognize that you may need to build the relationship from scratch: you missed first words, first steps, first school days, perhaps a daughter's first period, and the child learned not to need you. A child left behind may also be jealous of siblings who stayed with the parents. Parents should understand these feelings and keep communication open and honest so the child feels loved and understood.