Many parents see play as wasted time. The author describes José, who fills his six-year-old's schedule with homework, library visits, karate and helping at work, and allows no play so the boy learns "responsibility." Structure is good, she says, but play time is essential.
Through play, children release frustration, develop fantasy, face conflicts and learn to solve them, and try out new situations, all of which build language and learning ability. Around age two, a child can turn a cardboard box into a bus or two chairs into a train. This ability to imagine and give objects new uses lays the groundwork for understanding numbers, letters and abstract ideas. She calls it the precursor of thinking.
Symbolic play (a child putting a teddy bear to bed, or casting mom as a cousin while she plays teacher) looks like simple fun but is crucial to development. She advises against too many electronic toys for young children. A favorite doll or bear often serves as a go-between for the child's frustrations, wishes and aggression, and as a source of security; it should stay the same object and, she suggests, not be swapped or even washed.
How to play with your child
Join in when invited, but don't take over or impose your ideas. Go along with the fantasy ("What delicious coffee! Two sugars, please") rather than correcting it ("Those are bottle caps, not cups"). Let the child be the teacher instead of claiming the role because you're bigger. When the game ends, say how much fun it was and gently bring the child back to reality and the next task.
Know your child by watching
Symbolic play is a window into the child's inner world. Repeated themes show what worries them, and how they resolve situations shows how they handle conflict. A child telling a teddy "I'll be late, but don't cry" may be processing a parent's absences. Serving coffee shows a wish to grow up and be like mom. Play lets children manage their feelings and release tension.
Best materials are open-ended: clay, boxes, blocks, paper and pencils, puppets, costumes, picture books. Children shouldn't spend most of their free time on TV or video games, and play should alternate with responsibilities. A child who shows no desire to play may have a physical or emotional problem and should be seen by a professional.