Some children can't wait for anything: food, a toy, the bath to fill, mom to get ready for the park. Rosario solved her 20-month-old's morning impatience with a "foam game": she carries her to the kitchen to watch the milk heat, and they chant "up, up, up" until it rises, turning tension into a shared moment.
Impatience is normal because children experience time emotionally, as adults do when anxious or enjoying themselves. Adults learn to measure time externally by the clock; for a child, the gap between asking and receiving feels endless, and the younger the child, the worse it is.
Here! Right now!
Children live in the present, with little sense of past or future, and their vivid imaginations make waiting even harder. Parents must teach them that naming something doesn't make it appear. A parent who gives in immediately to escape the screaming isn't helping; short waits from an early age teach that there's a gap between wanting and getting. The worst habit is buying whatever the child asks for when out. Instead, tell the child to ask again at home if they really want it. If they remember, promise it for a specific later time (next weekend's shopping trip), and keep the promise, or the child will stop trusting your word.
Teaching control of impatience
- Make time concrete. Words like "soon" or "later" mean nothing to a small child. Link waiting to activities: "You can eat when you finish your drawing," "After your bath you can watch TV," "Dad will be back after many nights of sleeping."
- Use distraction for young children (up to about age 3); after that, explain the reason for the wait and acknowledge how hard it is.
- Avoid raising a sense of omnipotence. A child who always gets everything instantly will suffer repeated frustration later in life.
- Teach by example. Impatient parents can't raise patient children; impatience is contagious.
- Prepare for waits. Bring toys, water and snacks; invent a waiting game or song; don't promise rewards you can't deliver; stay calm.
Cultivating patience, the author concludes, is fundamental to a child's future success.