For a newborn, feeding expresses the will to live, and it is the baby's first relationship with the mother. When a baby doesn't finish, mothers often worry and press. Poor appetite can have physical or psychological causes. The author holds that a baby's eating is shaped by the bond with the mother: an anxious mother, or one who unconsciously rejects an unplanned baby, may affect the baby's appetite. She cautions against generalizing, though; often a baby is simply sleepy and should be allowed its own rhythm.
Respect the baby's rhythm. Marta and Roberto worry that their two-month-old feeds poorly, yet they wake her to show her off to visitors and then offer the breast when she cries. Young babies need regularity; when routines are broken, it's hard to tell why they cry. See a doctor if the baby isn't gaining weight.
Make transitions gradual. Weaning from breast to bottle, introducing solids (learning to chew and swallow small amounts) and, around 18 months, joining the family table should all be gradual. Family meals are a good time to teach table manners.
The child who rejects what's served
Marisa, almost three, rejects every meal, even ones she chose. She's in the "No" stage, so offering choices doesn't help. The mother should stay calm: "I made what you asked for. If you don't want it now, we'll save it for tomorrow. I won't cook again." The child will likely skip a meal or two and then accept what's served. Don't let food become a tool of manipulation.
Respect tastes only up to a point. Taste is built by habit (we like rice and beans because we grew up with them), so children should be regularly given fruit and vegetables, not just burgers and hot dogs. Children won't eat what they never see their parents eat. Snacking on chips, cookies and sweets kills appetite and often soothes anxiety; find the anxiety's source and remove the snacks. Healthy children regulate quantity according to their needs; don't force more, but watch weight and consult a doctor if it drops.
Refusal to eat and emotional problems
Extreme refusal to eat may indicate an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa, which requires professional treatment. The author notes it is common in adolescence when unresolved childhood emotional issues intensify.
Children who eat too much
Once hormonal problems are ruled out, overeating often has psychological causes: anxiety, loneliness, lack of affection or attention, or overprotection, with food becoming the child's only pleasure. She recommends therapy that involves the family, since parents may model anxious snacking themselves. The psychological effects are serious: teasing, nicknames, social exclusion, lower self-esteem and school performance, and more problems in adolescence if weight isn't balanced in childhood.
Eating together at least once a day has big benefits for the whole family, building connection and communication; a calm, warm atmosphere aids appetite and digestion. Don't let mealtime become a battlefield. Food problems almost always have emotional roots, so act early and help the child associate meals with contact and harmony.