People tend to be either more "cerebral" (rational, fact-oriented) or more "sentimental" (emotional, impressionable). Most are a mix, but one trait usually dominates, and the same is true of children. Example: when four-year-old Darío grabs a toy car from his brother Pablo, Pablo cries and runs to his mother. When Darío grabs his cousin Juanito's teddy, Juanito eyes Darío's clown and proposes a trade. Pablo reacts emotionally; Juanito reacts rationally.
The author associates the rational type with the left hemisphere and the emotional type with the right. Rational children are autonomous, want to do things themselves, relate better to things than people, take toys apart to see how they work, care about cause and effect, and need to reach their own conclusions, which can make them resistant to simply being told. Emotional children value human contact, ask for help easily, dislike being alone and seek comfort when in trouble.
Adapting your approach
A rational child needs factual reasons. "Get off the phone because I said so" fails, but explaining the cost of calls and the risk of the phone being cut off works. An emotional child needs affection instead: a hug and acknowledgment that they miss their friend, with the suggestion to see them at school tomorrow. A rational child may even dislike being cuddled. With achievements, an emotional child first needs to hear how proud you are; a rational child first wants to know what they did well and why. Both need both; the difference is the order.
Both types are equally valuable, and a child's type may not match the parent's. A very rational father may feel frustrated by an emotional son; an emotional mother may feel hurt by a child who doesn't return her displays of affection. Parents should identify their child's type and their own, communicate accordingly, and also encourage the child to develop the less-used side.
Communicating with the rational child
- Give concrete explanations and put feelings into words.
- Help them consider others and understand other people's feelings; watch emotionally rich films together and talk about your own feelings.
- They'll enjoy reading about animals and plants and tend toward science and math.
- Don't force them to be demonstrative, but help them understand why expressing affection matters to others.
- Don't pressure or hold high expectations in the arts.
Communicating with the emotional child
- Treat them with warmth and sensitivity without amplifying their emotionality.
- Teach them to reason and to understand cause and effect.
- They'll tend to be creative, sociable and artistic, but also disorganized; give special attention to developing order.
- Encourage independence so they don't seek help for everything; avoid overprotecting them.
- Introduce life's realities gradually and gently, and teach them to work through difficulties.
Some children use both sides in balance; for them, the task is to nurture their wide range of interests. Siblings may be of different types, and parents should value each without comparisons that diminish either.
Note: The strict left-brain/right-brain personality model reflects popular psychology of the time; current neuroscience doesn't support dividing people into left- or right-brain types, though the practical advice about adapting to a child's temperament still stands on its own.